my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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