:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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