in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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