I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
