Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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