i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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