so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
