just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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