I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
