I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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