apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize