Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
