I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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