I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
