I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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