So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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