So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
