I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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