We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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