i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
