waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
