Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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