so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
