: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
