No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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