We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
