So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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