I wanna bring you to show and tell
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
