All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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