Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
