I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
