My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
