if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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