4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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