yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
