We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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