If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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