Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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