its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
