I just saw a hot homeless man
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
