And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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