If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
