Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
