I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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