I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
