Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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