At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Randomize
