i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
