the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
