Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
