Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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