she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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