I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
