You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
