Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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