party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
