I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
