Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
