I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
