Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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