what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
