she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
