I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
