Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize