why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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