I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i think im in europe. pls send help
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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