too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
