Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
