I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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